I know it's 2:55am, but I can't sleep. I thought getting to bed at 10:30pm and waking up at 5am would give me enough rest, but most of the time has been spent in fitful dreams and continual tossing. All my dreams are about leaving. I don't know why. I should feel at peace. I've said my goodbyes.
After the Fort Wayne trip, I felt ready to go. Strength came to after seeing my friends again. I didn't cry when I said goodbye that day. No tears could come; they had already been shed. I said goodbye to my close friends up here, and still no tears. Not that I was happy, but rather I realized I was ready. Then last night happened. I was perfectly calm and tear-free, until goat chores. Sometimes the simple things can completely undo you.
I had poured out the grain for the goats which normally they devour instantly, but last night they didn't. They ran after me, maaing for me. Totally undid me. Kiss my little darlings goodbye and squeezed Thusey (Methuselah) so hard he squeaked. Nella didn't get want was going on and couldn't stop jumping up on me. I don't know how much I'm going to miss the farm.
Family goodbyes were hard. Thankfully, I didn't have to say goodbye to Mom or Dad. I think the boys felt slightly awkward about hugging a weeping Anna. Not something they've usually experienced on a normal basis. Matt couldn't stop hugging me, and Luke couldn't get me to stop soon enough. :) Sarah was always hard, on both sides. ChubGrub (as I've nicknamed Zippy) cooed and smiles, and then spit up on me. A proper goodbye for such a little fellow.
*sigh* Sleep. Please. Come.
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