Contemplations, Mumblings...What's the Difference?

(Weird title. Sorry, best I could do with this frame of mind.)

I am young. Those reading know how young I am. I am barely a woman; an older child at best, and yet I find myself in the position that (so it seems) no one else my age is facing: college. Here I am, very young, already looking at my life which is slipping away faster and faster through the years and I am about to jump into a full time college semester this fall. It causes me to wonder if I'm rushing my life.

I suppose whatever way I take, whether to not go to college early or go to college when I'm older, either way I'll have to wait. *sigh* I do not like waiting. Waiting for others, waiting for myself. I know I will not wait to go to college. It seems a waste of time for me to do so. After I'm done with my A.A. and a year of Augustine college, I don't know what I will do. I guess I'll face it when I come to it. Much will change in three years.

But as I face college, I also face career options and decisions. I am constantly struggling between the choice of what I really, truly enjoy and what would be practical and economical. It worries me when I hear someone say "Oh, I'll be a writer." or "An actor" or "An artist" or "An English major" or "A Musician" or even "A teacher". Most of them don't think of how little those professions make or will make for the economy is getting nothing but worse. True, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with being any of those things and one should always enjoy ones job, but one should choose a profession that is not only useful, but also one that could support a family if necessary. True, a man should support his family, but a woman should also be able to do so if necessary. If my husband dies or if he loses his job, I should be willing and ABLE to help bear the weight. Say I never marry, shall I always live under my parents roof? I do not think so. People age, people die. Not that I wish the death of my parents, but one should consider the future. We all will die. After the death of my parents (which, I pray, will not be for many, many years) where then? I must be able to support myself.

Everything I really enjoy (dance, figure skating, music, etc.), I am not talented enough to excel and do very well in them (at least, well enough to make a living). It is a pity. I would drop everything just to figure skate everyday. It's EXTREMELY unlikely that I'll ever make it to any big competitions considering how late I started, but if I can land a triple axel when I am thirty, I will be satisfied. Dancing would be another thing that I would greatly enjoy. I am not gifted it in. I enjoy it, but with no gift for it. Music the same way.

*sigh* I have a feeling I'll end up in some science while being in some education field.