Goodbye Dear Goats

Somehow I never thought this time would come so soon. I've thought long and hard over it, but I finally broke it to my family and sealed my decision: the goats must be sold.

Why? Because I can no longer take care of them. I'll be starting full time college classes this coming fall and finishing my high school classes. Between classes, figure skating, and all my other activities, I will not be able to properly care for the animals I have loved. Matthew is out of goats. I have no one except Luke to pass them on to. Luke, although he loves them, is not able to take care of them all.

I feel like a fail; complete fail. I feel like I'm failing all of them. Mom, dad, Luke, Matt, Elle, and Sarah. Especially Sarah. So many goats and animals have died because of me and now I'm giving them and I'M the one selling them. It's torture. Everytime I go down and look at their faces, I'm haunted by the fact that they were depending on me and I let them down. Yeah, they're just animals, but by letting the goats down, I let my family down.

Everything that was formerly part of my life, my childhood, my bringing up, seems to be fading as I try to gasp and hold on to it. I told myself and others that I wouldn't let it turn to dust, but it did. It just slipped through my fingers. Why me? Why was I the one who has to do this? Would it just have been better to never take the goats from Sarah and to have let her sell them?

I suppose not. Even as I look back, I knew then and I know now that I would never let the goats go 'til I have to. But look at the awful job I did of keeping it. Surely, Anna, it would have been better to just let the goats go. But I didn't. I suppose I'll never be able to redo my mistake. Or was it a mistake? I'll never know.

*sigh* This is probably why I shouldn't write blog posts.

At least my goats that I am very emotionally attached to are not going to be sold. Luke is going to care for the ones that are not put down or sold. :( I will have to put our dear little suffering crippled goat down. She's made it farther than I ever thought she would. Perhaps I should have her put down sooner, but I didn't so I suppose I shouldn't fret over it too much. :( I will be sorry to see her go. All the others, with the exception of Dandylion, Caprina, Sylvia and Joy, will be sold.

Tough. I'm sorry Sarah. I should have done better.