The Power of a Will

"Anna! Anna! Get up!"

I woke up and glanced at the clock. 6:18. I could tell it was Mom calling and thought "They are really off to a late start this morning."

Myself: *groans*
Mom: "You're coming swimming with us this morning."
Myself: "Nooo...I really don't want to go swimming."
Mom: "Then you're going to have to run for 30 minutes with Nella."
Myself: "Ook." *rolls over and goes back to sleep*

As I drifted off to sleep, I pondered that the fact that since Mom and the boys had gotten a late start to swimming, that they wouldn't be back 'til 7:30 at the earliest. That meant I could sleep in 'til 7:00. I closed my eyes and was lost into the gentle tyrant.

But even in my dreams I was haunted by the fact that I would have to get up and go running. I didn't want to, I just wanted to sleep. I wasn't sure how I would get out of bed anyway. My body jerked at 6:45ish to make sure I hadn't slept past 7:00. Off to sleep away it went.

My body jerked. I glanced at the clock: 7:08. YIPES I thought IT"S LATE! Sitting up in bed, I looked again at the clock: 7:01. Good, I can still get the run done before they get home.

Pulling on two sweaters, I ran out of the house and started on my usual jog. My feet making the same rhythm over and over again. My heart beating the same beat. My mind fill with an inane pounding. The same walkway, the same steps. Passing trees, and more trees, and still more trees. Everything was loud, but always the same. Everything is always as it has been, nothing changes. The insanity of my life.

I don't usually muse or ponder when I jog. I just jog. My thoughts echo the mad thumping of my mind. Always the same thought over and over: the insanity of my mind.

Maybe I really am insane. It would be horrible to be insane and know it. If you are insane and don't know it, at least you have the blind pleasure of not knowing. But if you are insane and know full well you are insane, you are made even more insane by the knowledge of your insanity.

I finally made it back to the house, but the jog was a torment. The jog echos my life: running to a goal, but repeating the same thing over and over again and never quite reaching that goal. And if it is reacted it becomes unsatisfactory.


To sum it all up, I need to get another sport besides running.